Jay Cutler performed his best Jim Mora impersonation recently after his team, the Denver Broncos, attempted to ship the gunslinger out of town. Trade? Trade? Me? Trade? Ya kidding me? Trade??? Trade??? Let’s get the violins out for Jay, who is apparently upset that his new coach attempted to trade him. Apparently Jay figured the new coach was going to come in, look around and say, “Well, we were 8-8 last year, so I guess we’re pretty much all set. I’ll see you all at mini camp in a few months. Keep up the mediocre work and remember our new team credo, “”A committment to okayness.”" Jay, you had a so so year last year, but I’m not going to trade you, because so so fits under the umbrella of okay. I don’t expect you to go out and win us a title, just get us a few ties. “”
Denver’s new coach Josh Mcdaniels spent several years working with Tom Brady, of course he’s going to consider trading Cutler. Josh must watch tape of Cutler with a small barf bag on his lap. After two hours of film, he has to call Tom Brady who then talks Josh out of killing himself. Each of Cutler’s 18 interceptions must cause Josh to blurt out, “‘Holy crap, we are wearing orange!! How much more obvious can we be? Should we put neon decals on our helmets and attach those long curly drinking straws to the facemasks? Hook a few cowbells to our cleats and paint our asses red? ” Cutler was so bad at times last year, he entered the locker room at halftime leading his team in tackles. Seriously when you think about it, Denver has the most noticeable uniform in the league, maybe in all of America. Throwing interceptions for an orange team is like shooting your hunter partner in the face. Simply put, Cutler is the Dick Cheney of the NFL
And the Denver Broncos uniform reminds me of UPS with their all brown attire. Cutler thinks he has it bad, imagine wearing brown all day? Brown shirt, brown pants, brown socks, brown jacket, drive around all day in a big brown truck, dropping brown boxes off to brown buildings, go to lunch with John Brown, brown bagging it , drive a brown car home, your brown wife waiting for ya, “Honey, how was your day ?” “It sucked, get that brown dress off before I smack ya. “ I’m not suggesting they beat their wives…its just a hunch. Denver in orange ain’t much better. Ask Cutler, “”What can orange do for you?”" It can lead the team down the field, only to then toss the rock into a waiting safety wearing silver and black.